"I am legend" aut "i am stoopid"

You should be concerned, Will. It's your career dying a gruesome death.

Dog's thinking: I hope they kill off my character. 

Relax, Fido.  They do.

I watched this Will Smith epic on the plane.  Yes, I was so bored that I actually watched an in-flight movie.  Yes, it was in Biz Class, blessed be Paolo, who announced the upgraded passengers -- they give you these individual screens and so on in BC, which made me less reticent to watch the earnest Will Smith in a vehicle far below his talents.  I hate to admit to others that I am watching such dreck, you see.  I Have My Pride.

Anyhow, I have some serious questions for the people (monkeys with laptops?) who wrote this epic:

1. Why was Manhattan sealed off, aside from the puny special effects of blowing up the Brooklyn and W'burg bridges?  Didn't, like, almost everyone in the world die??

2. Were there bleached zombies living in Ireland (how did that Irish chick and her kid get to Manhattan?  Did she have a pilot's licence?  Did she row across the Atlantic?).  Were they in Vermont?  Or were they confined to Manhattan?  So many fuzzy things.

3. If they were confined to this magic isle, were the vicious, biting zombies a socialist metaphor for the kind of people who have given us construction crane failures and stripped assets of companies whose ex-employees have been condemned to a life in death with asbestos poisoning and no health insurance?

4. Speaking of denuded, how come the female zombie in Will Smith's (I should say Dr. Legend's) lab was wearing a sports bra?  Are zombies into jogging and things like middle-American modesty?  Dag!  Are these bootleg zombies or what? 

By the way, she seemed cosmetically enhanced, boob-wise.  Do post-apocalyptic zombies have a yen for silicone?  The zombiette did look like Annie Lennox.  "Would I lie to you, baby?"

5. How come Will's wife was such a high high yellow?  And why do all doomed wives in today's flicks act as if they were Deborah Kerr?  Didn't School Daze teach us anything?  Man, Spike Lee's take on this High Concept would have been mad good.  Jasmine Guy, what have you got to say?

6. Couldn't we have just had more pix of New York turning to wilderness?  The SFX were the only interesting thing about this shitty movie, and even they seemed a little cheap and too obviously fake. The dog was patient.

7. Does anyone besides me miss DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince? 

Not all that much, though.

Comments

[fredric koeppel]

you just can't fucking suspend that disbelief, can you!

[th]

if i did, how would i be different from pat robertson?

[michele colline]

My old basketball coach used to say, "good thought, poor execution".