What I learned about wine in New Jersey

I was at a big 4th of July party yesterday, the 5th, over in the Garden State.  I learned many things as I shopped for the party's wine (my contribution) and as I chatted with the folks who were getting tipsy with me.  Here are the top 5 things -- instructive to us all.

1. The defeat of bigoakysmoky Chardonnay is just about complete.  Now the ladies want light, refreshing, almost tasteless whites.  While Pinot Grigio is the undisputed champ, yesterday's  ultracheap Vermentino from Sardinia was a delightful new discovery to many.  Let's call it the vodka of wine.  Clear, neutral, still alcoholic enough to set you on your bum.

2. People declare that they like "rich, full wines".  This means woody, sweet and jammy, etc.  Grape soda with happiness added.  So the news is no news.  Bacchus wept.

3. Don't make them learn any new names.  Someone said to me, "Chardonnay just seems so simple." Americans seem to like proper names that end in an accented syllable.   Maybe we should call Greco di Tufo Tuffot.  I won't mention sciascinoso to them any time soon.

4. Here's a shocker: they buy on price.  They loved the $8.99 Vermentino from Sardinia in large part because it was $8.99.  Show someone two _____, one at $11.99 and one at $15.99, they'll go automatically for the cheaper one.  No thought as to why the prices might be so different or the names of the aziende.  Even when you say, "No but this one really is worth the extra money."  They look at you like you're from Afghanistan and put the cheapie in the basket.

5.   Everyone says, "I don't know anything about wine."  Then they proceed to prove it with every word from "I like Two Buck Chuck" to "I always liked Cold Duck." 

Such is the state of the homme moyen sensuel (and femme moyenne sensuelle) in New Jersey today. 

What must it be like in flyover country?

Comments

[Theo]

I think to brand a state because you happened to go to a party with a bunch of hapless wine novices in that state is a bit patronizing and naive.

[terence]

Patronizing? Of course.

Naïve? Only when it comes to the innate goodness of nuns and priests.

[Marco]

Woody Allen said that he believed that there is intelligent life in the universe except for some parts of New Jersey.

[Fredric Koeppel]

tut, tut, our writer merely happened to be in NJ. he could have been in Delaware or Connecticut or Iowa or Tennessee or even Upstate NY. His principles hold true. MOST people want reliable inexpensive wine that they can trust and that don't have difficult or unusual names. No need to scoff at that; it's just the way it is.

[tracie b]

as for flyover co, they love their peeno gree-jee-oh here too. and you just had to bring up sciascinoso, didn't you? i've been bombarded with reminders of camapania for 4 consecutive days now.

basta!

[Ed]

As a Jerseyite, I'm appaled, but not suprised, that you would find people here, or anywhere in the U.S., who think a little wine knowledge is a dangerous thing. The fact that the insipid Santa Margarita Pinot Grigio is one of the top wines ordered in restaurants to this day tell you alot about the average wine consumer. I had a Ferrari-Carano Fume over the week-end that would blow SM out of the water, yet probably cost $5-7 bucks less. As a person currently persuing a wine education in preparation for my "next act", I look forward to educating people on listening to their palates and understanding that quality and value are not mutually exclusive. Cheers, Ed Brown

[Richard]

The crowd you were with knows nothing about wine. Last time I was there, all the men, but me, spent three straight hours discussing nothing but golf.

[Terry Hughes]

Golf or McCain. That's when I start really knocking it back.

[Richard]

I would have imbibed if there was decent wine to imbibe with. Bleckstone and its ilk just doesn't cut it. I started talking to the ladies about how the men were discussing golf for hours on end.

[Gabrio Tosti]

Now you understand why I will never get rich :)
Great post ahahahahahahahaha
Ciao