The promise of FIOS

So after a long wait we got FIOS installed yesterday.  That's the fibre-optic telephone AND Internet system offered by Verizon.  (The TV part of the package isn't available in this building yet.) 

FIOS offers lightning-fast download and even upload times on ye olde-but-suddenly-new Serious of Tubes which you youngsters know as the Internets.  Like download songs -- legal or bootleg -- at up to 20mb/second!  Like a nanosecond for "Louie Louie" or the whole "Greatest Hit of Trini Lopez"!  Upload video of yourself engaged in self-love at up to 5mb/second! 

It's like a whole new world, people!  The true promise of the Internet has been realized at last!  Your laptop becomes the only media appliance you'll ever need -- especially if it's a Mac Airbook!

Let me begin the earlier paragraph again:

FIOS allegedly offers lightning-fast download times.  And, as if you cared if you don't post to YouTube, upload. 

But no, it doesn't work that way.  Maybe you get to 15-16mb/sec if no one's downloading their latest Sarah Palin scandal video.  Or the "Greatest Hits of ABBA."  (In either case, they should be punished, just on principle.  Not that anyone in America retains a jot of principle.  But still.)

If it usually took about 10-15 seconds to download the Sitemeter page to check my site traffic, maybe it takes 5-10 now.  Um...so what? 

Yes, fine, OK, those informative Katie Couric interviews of Sarah Palin download real quick -- and I like watching them over and over again ("Governor Palin, who lives in Russia?"  "I'd like to say right here that John McCain doesn't pal around with terrorists." 

("Governor Palin, what newspapers do you read regularly?"  "All of them!  But I really value the non-partisan reporting of My Weekly Reader.  And my dream for America is that when Trig, my special-needs child [pause] is my age that he will be able to read it cover to cover without [pause] his lips moving.  God bless America!")

The only Sarah I can stand to watch

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Oh, grow up, people.

Comments

[Dale Cruse]

I LOVE my FIOS! I've had it for more than two years.

And I agree about Sarah Silverman! Wow!

[Strappo]

Well maybe it will live up to the hype one day.

One problem is the older people in my building -- about 150-180 apts. -- are leaving [euphemism!] and those damn kids are coming in with their movie downloads and porn uploads! All my porn is jpeg, dammit!