The dreaded Christmas letter

Dear Amici (Friends) and Tifosi (Fans),

Gosh, it's hard to believe that another year has passed and Christmas is almost here again!  And it's so cold this year, it really feels like Christmas for a change. Bring on the rum fruit cake -- wheeeeee! 

Well, to get this Xmas message rolling, let me introduce myself, Heather Strappley, the grand-niece of Uncle Strappo, who is just so busy that he asked me to write this to you, and he sends all his love and appreciation to you for your encouragement and support!!  "Heather," he told me, "we all have so much to be thankful for at this time of the year, even if the economy is going to s**t and restaurants are closing like a nun's ********** (!!!!)"  He is really incorrigible!  LOL!!!

On a sadder note, our distant cousin Heino von Strapfschloss in Alto Adige notes the passing of "a great Austrian, Joerg Haider."  We feel your pain, Heino, and if Joerg ("George"?) had been an American, I'm sure he would have been a great American too.  (sigh.)

 

Bill O'Reilly, a true Xmas patriot!!

He luvs Xmas almost as much as me!  LOL!

But let's return to ye Olde Christmas cheer. 

I'm happy to note that our cousin Alessandro Strappolini managed to get a loan before the big credit meltdown to embark on a new venture!  He and his "S.O." Giovanna have started a wine by-products company where they take in excess grapes, mostly pretty good ones from Brunello, and turn them into a whole raft of great beauty and health products -- wine bath soaps, resveratrol face creams, purgative suppositories and other "affordable luxuries".  They're very excited about the results of their first six months sales -- most of their products went to the Gulf Emirates and Monaco, where they are really crazy about the suppositories.  They wish everyone a happy and prosperous New Year.  Lucky them, they are vacationing in San Marino right now along with Alessandro's folks, "Sal" and "Pepella".  Alex is darned grateful to be 43 and still living rent-free with his parents.  When we spoke on the phone he said, "Without mamma and papa', I could not realize my dreams."  (sob!)  Or get his ironing done. (lol)

Speaking of Alessandro, one of the other Alessandro Strappolinis -- this one from Piemonte -- says the harvest was so poor this year, in quality and quantity, he's making a special Economic Collapse vinegar that he'll sell for 50 eurocents a liter while he feasts on nettles and grubs this year.  What a card!  I never knew Italians actually had a sense of humor!!  It's as surprising as hearing a Chinese tell a dirty joke involving a Mandarin a Buddhist monk and a Taoist!

I'd like to extend warm season's greetings to Uncle Strappo's son Eric who turned 32 yesterday!  Strappo didn't call or write him because, as Uncle "Straps" said, "He never calls or writes me."  !!!!  WTF!!!!  These proud, stubborn men, bless 'em!  (ROTFL)

Thanks to the miracle of blogging, Uncle Strappo has reconnected some members of his magnificently dysfunctional family.  I'd say that it has been, on the whole, a positive experience:  good rapport with 2 brothers and a nephew, a self-righteous sneer from one brother (who actually ate his own poop when he was two years old!!! GA-ROSS!) -- I'm really happy to see the unks more or less reconcile in time for this heart-warming holiday season, whether you celebrate Hannukhah or Kwanza or Xmas or Druidfest or whatever.  Let's all remember, all you gots is your family and your health.  (sniff)

So from all the Strappos, Strappleys, Strappolinis, von Strapfschlosses and certain of the Hugheses, we wish you a merry Xmas and a happy & not too indigent new year!  (quadruple smilies!!!!)

 

 

Comments

[Joseph Strapless]

From those of us in the Strapless family (no relation at all), a Merry Christmas to you and yours.

[dave]

Strappo, ahem, Heather: Come terribilmente divertente. Si prega di includere una foto del vostro grande-nipote. Or maybe that IS a photo of your grand-niece, recumbent in her (?) Christmas best.
A remarkable resemblance, family and all that.
Buon Natale and grazie mille for the many great words you've shared this year.

[Strappo]

Thanks to you, Joseph, and altrettanto a te.

Dave, grazie mille ed auguri ecc. -- the recumbent one is actually my partner after a bender and a trip to the depilatory. (Eeewwww. Deal with it!)

[Morgan]

hurray for family reconciliation via blogging efforts! hurray!